Your twenties are meant to be ‘The best years of your life’ so they say, when in reality they’re far from it.
22 was the worst year of my life. Starting the year of 2017 happy and healthy and that all changed in an instant. Constant anxiety and the constant panic attacks turned me into a HOT MESS. Constantly scared to leave my house in the fear that I would never return and the constant fear of doom never being that far. The constant trips to the doctors which turned into siting in A&E for hours on end. I can remember sitting in the hospital with my sister laying on her shoulder sobbing as I had convinced myself there was something wrong , there just had to be something wrong. Taking out my phone and typing goodbye texts to my loved ones in case i didn’t make it.
I distanced myself from my closest friends as I didn’t want to be seen. I’d always been that girl in secondary school; the funny one , the confident one , the outspoken one and then to drastically change from all of that to a nervous wreck was something that even i couldn’t comprehend so how could i expect others to understand or see me like that?
Sleep was a thing of the past , my mind was constantly on overdrive. Staying up all night binge watching crap or just staring at the walls to past the time. Terrified that if dared close my eyes for a second I’d never wake up. I had developed the habit of having my left hand on my chest to constantly check my heartbeat , the untold number of pulse checker apps I’d sit and download as if I was some kind of doctor.
Mentally i was at my lowest
Relying on my family and deciding that this wasn’t how i wanted to live were the two main factors of me getting better. I’m not miraculously cured of my anxiety and depression but i am better.
Throughout the middle of the year things started to get better and I was kind of feeling like the old me again. Of course there were times when everything and everyone sucked but I was feeling better.
Fast forward to September 2018 a little after my 23rd birthday and I’m slowly but surely getting there. Don’t get me wrong my mind still works overtime sometimes and I still have those few moments where I get down but learning that I will get through the dark times and that there is hope are the things that have helped me overcome the darkest and hardest time of my life.